Have you ever looked at your child and thought, “I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now”, and then immediately felt guilty for even thinking it?
It’s one of those thoughts parents rarely say out loud. But when you’re raising a struggling teen, there may be times when everything you’ve been carrying becomes incredibly heavy.
In this episode of Empower My Teen, I talk openly about the complicated emotions that can come with parenting a teen who is struggling.
Maybe it’s another phone call from school. Another broken promise. Or maybe it’s just one more hard day after months of hard days.
And somewhere in the middle of all of it, you find yourself thinking:
“I just don’t like you right now.”
Then the guilt shows up.
Almost immediately.
But having that thought doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving your child, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
We talk about the guilt and shame that can follow these feelings and why parents often have such a difficult time believing that two things can be true at the same time:
You can love your teen with your whole heart and still have moments when you don’t like them very much.
In this episode, you’ll hear about:
- Why these feelings can surface after carrying so much for so long
- The guilt and shame that can follow thoughts parents are afraid to admit
- Why loving your child and liking them in a difficult season are not the same thing
- Why these feelings don’t erase the love that has always been there
- How two seemingly conflicting feelings can exist at the same time
If you’ve quietly carried these feelings and wondered what they say about you as a parent, this conversation is for you
Sometimes parenting a struggling teen brings thoughts and feelings we never imagined we would have.
Talking about them doesn’t make the love any less real.
Need Support?
If your teen is struggling and you’re unsure what to do next, schedule a complimentary consultation with me and talk about your family’s situation.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
00:03
Have you reached the end of your rope trying to help your child? Are you wondering how to help your teen find their way back to themselves and you don’t know what to do next?
00:12
I’m your host, Mary Warren, and I’m here to share with you information, stories, and possible solutions to help you find the best options for your teen and family.
00:23
Are you ready to start thinking about parenting and relationships in a new way? If you are, take a breath, relax, and let’s talk.
00:35
When I was thinking about this episode, I wondered if I should even record it because these are thoughts parents don’t usually admit, not to their friends, not to their family, sometimes not even to themselves.
00:50
A mom once said to me, “Mary, I was looking at my son and thinking, ‘How can I love you and not like you at the same time?'” I’ll never forget that moment, not because I questioned how much she loved her son.
01:06
I never did. I’ll never forget it because I could hear the pain in her voice. She felt guilty for even thinking it, and I remember wishing she could see herself the way I saw her.
01:19
I didn’t see a mom who had stopped loving her son. I saw a mom whose heart was breaking. There’s a difference. When your teen is struggling, life gets heavy.
01:32
Your mind is almost always on them, even when you’re at work, when you’re trying to have dinner with your family, when you’re lying in bed hoping tomorrow feels just a little bit different.
01:44
Then something happens. Maybe it’s another phone call from school. Maybe it’s another broken promise. Or maybe it’s just one more hard day after months of hard days.
01:57
And just for a moment, you find yourself thinking, “I just don’t like you right now.” Then the guilt shows up almost immediately.
02:08
If you whispered to yourself and immediately felt ashamed, well, maybe that’s the part we should pay attention to. Not the thought, the shame that followed it.
02:18
Because the shame doesn’t usually show up when we stop caring. It shows up because we care so much. I don’t think parents struggle with a thought because they’ve stopped loving their child.
02:30
I think they struggle because they can’t imagine those two things being true at the same time, but I believe they can.
02:38
I think you can love your teen with every part of your heart and still have moments when you don’t like who they are in the moment. I don’t believe that makes you a bad parent.
02:50
I think it makes you an honest one. I’ve never sat with a parent who has said those words and thought they don’t love their child, not even once.
03:01
Instead, I’ve always thought that’s a parent who’s caring more than most people can see.
03:07
Maybe today you just needed someone to tell you that you’re not alone, that you’re not the only parent who’s ever had that thought. If anything, it reminds me just how deeply you care.
03:20
Because parents who don’t care usually don’t feel ashamed. The ones who love deeply do. So, if you’ve been carrying that thought around by yourself, I hope you’ll set it down.
03:33
Be a little gentler with yourself. You’re doing one of the hardest jobs there is, and sometimes two things really can be true at the same time.
03:44
You can love your teen with your whole heart and still have moments when you don’t like them very much. One guilty thought doesn’t get to define years of loving your child.
03:57
Please give yourself a little grace and hang in there and keep breathing. Thank you for listening today. I’m your host, Mary Warren, and I’m so grateful you found this podcast.
04:09
I invite you to visit my website at empowermyteen.com and schedule a complimentary consultation to discuss your situation.
04:19
Remember, you are a caring and concerned parent, and your child is lucky to have you in their life, so please be kind to yourself.
