Have you ever looked at your struggling teen and wondered, “Did I miss something? Should I have seen this sooner? What if I had done things differently?”
I hear questions like these from parents all the time. Sometimes they say them out loud, and sometimes I can simply hear the guilt in their voices. When our children struggle emotionally, behaviorally, or mentally, it’s incredibly easy to start replaying the past and searching for the moment when we think we should have done something differently.
In this episode of Empower My Teen, I want to talk about that guilt.
As parents, we spend years trying to protect our children. We hold their hands, care for them when they’re sick, help them through challenges, celebrate their successes, and do everything we can to prepare them for life. Then life gets complicated, and suddenly we’re facing something we can’t simply fix.
And that’s often where guilt moves in.
I’ll also share a personal moment from my own life when, after a difficult conversation with one of my children, I sat in my car crying and questioning whether I had handled everything wrong. I know what it feels like to replay the conversation and wonder whether you’ve failed as a mother.
But guilt leaves something important out of the story: you made the best decisions you could with what you knew at the time.
Would you make some different choices today knowing what you know now? Maybe. Most of us would. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you have more knowledge and experience today than you had then.
Your story is bigger than your regrets.
The past can teach us, but it doesn’t have to keep us from living today. And your story isn’t defined only by the moments you wish you could change, it’s also shaped by what you choose to do from here.
Need Support?
If your teen is struggling and you’re unsure what to do next, schedule a complimentary consultation with me and talk about your family’s situation.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
00:03
Have you reached the end of your rope trying to help your child? Are you wondering how to help your teen find their way back to themselves and you don’t know what to do next?
00:12
I’m your host, Mary Warren, and I’m here to share with you information, stories, and possible solutions to help you find the best options for your teen and family.
00:23
Are you ready to start thinking about parenting and relationships in a new way? If you are, take a breath, relax, and let’s talk.
00:35
One of the hardest things I’ve witnessed after years of walking alongside families of struggling teens and young adults is the amount of guilt parents carry. I hear it on almost every phone call.
00:48
I hear things like, “I should have seen this sooner.” “Maybe if I had handled things differently.” “I keep wondering if this is somehow my fault.” Sometimes parents say the words out loud.
01:01
Other times, they don’t have to. I can hear it in their voice.
01:07
Guilt has a way of quietly moving in and convincing us that if we had just made different decisions, somehow our child wouldn’t be struggling today.
01:15
As parents, we want so badly to protect our children. From the day they are born or adopted into our families, we try to keep them safe.
01:25
We buckle them into their car seats, hold their little hands as they cross the street, kiss their scraped knees, help them with homework.
01:33
We worry when they’re sick, and of course, celebrate their successes, and do everything we can to prepare them for life. Then one day, life becomes more complicated.
01:46
Our child begins struggling emotionally, behaviorally, or mentally in ways we simply can’t fix. And for many parents, guilt quietly settles in right there.
02:01
Our minds naturally start replaying the past, wondering if there was something we should have seen or done differently to prevent this from all happening.
02:11
Looking back now, it’s easy to think, “I should have recognized the signs sooner,” or, “I should have handled that conversation differently.” One of the hardest things about guilt is that it asks us to judge yesterday’s decisions with today’s knowledge.
02:28
But here’s what guilt doesn’t tell us. You were making the best decisions you could with what you knew at the time.
02:37
I remember one day after having a difficult conversation with one of my own children, I got in my car, and I cried so hard I could barely see the road.
02:48
I kept replaying every word I had said, wondering, “Did I handle this all wrong?” I remember asking myself, “Am I that terrible of a mom?” I know the answer is no, but that’s what guilt does.
03:05
It quietly collects all the moments we wish had gone differently and begins holding them up as proof that we somehow have failed or are failures.
03:17
When guilt takes over, it has a way of changing how you see yourself as a parent.
03:22
It keeps pulling your mind back to the things you wish you had done differently, making it harder to remember everything else that you have done.
03:31
Please don’t let guilt be the loudest voice in your story. Your story is bigger than your regrets. Would you make different decisions today knowing what you know now? Well, maybe.
03:42
I think most of us would. But that doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re looking back with more experience than you had then. The past can teach us. It just shouldn’t keep us from living today.
03:56
Your story isn’t defined by the moments you wish you could change. It’s also shaped by what you choose to do from here.
04:04
And maybe, little by little, that’s how we begin to let go of some of this guilt. Thank you for listening today. I’m your host, Mary Warren, and I’m so grateful you found this podcast.
04:19
I invite you to visit my website at empowermyteen.com and schedule a complimentary consultation to discuss your situation.
04:28
Remember, you are a caring and concerned parent, and your child is lucky to have you in their life. So please be kind to yourself.
