What to Expect in the First 90 Days After Therapeutic Placement and How to Support Your Teen
Those first few weeks after enrollment can be disorienting. For everyone.
You’ve made the biggest decision of your parenting life—and now the house is quiet. You’re relieved. And you’re anxious. You’re proud of your courage. And you’re second-guessing every step.
This is normal.
The first 90 days are about transition—for your teen, and for you. It’s when the dust begins to settle, and the work begins. The crisis may be behind you, but the healing journey is just starting.
Let’s start with your child.
The early days at a therapeutic boarding school are disorienting. New rules. New people. No phones. And no you.
For many teens, that initial period includes:
Weeks 1-2: Shock and Resistance
Weeks 3-6: Grudging Engagement
Weeks 7-12: Deeper Process
Even teens who “understood” the decision beforehand may still feel abandoned or furious. Don’t panic. Anger is often part of grief—and this is a loss of the world they knew, even if it wasn’t working.
This rollercoaster is real.
You might go from sleeping through the night for the first time in months… to waking up with guilt and doubt at 3 a.m. You might finally get your evenings back… and find yourself staring at the wall, wondering if your child will ever speak to you again.
Common parent emotions:
Why community matters: Don’t isolate during this time. Talk to someone who understands the terrain—whether that’s me, another parent who’s been there, or a therapist who gets it.
💡 Expert Insight:
Most schools have a limited-contact policy at the beginning. This could mean:
This may feel confusing—especially if you’ve heard that lack of parent contact is a red flag. Here’s the distinction: limited contact for a short, intentional window—with full transparency and regular staff updates—is not about cutting you off. It’s about creating space for initial healing.
Your child needs room to adjust to the new environment, establish trust with staff, and begin orienting to the therapeutic process without the emotional pull of home relationships that may have become part of the problem.
Letters become powerful during this time. They allow your teen to process your voice and emotions at their own pace. Your words can be reread, saved, held onto—something spoken conversations can’t replicate.
And this doesn’t mean you’re out of the loop. Schools should provide scheduled calls or weekly updates from the clinical team. If that’s not happening, that’s worth questioning.
In the first 90 days, don’t expect radical personality changes. Progress often looks like:
A teen who follows rules but still feels guarded
Small moments of insight or vulnerability in therapy
Flashes of resistance followed by cooperation
Better self-regulation (even if emotions are still big)
Willingness to ask for help, even reluctantly
Invisible progress: Sometimes the biggest wins are things you can’t see from home. They happen in therapy rooms, during chores, or in quiet moments when your child finally feels safe enough to let their guard down.
Setbacks are part of the process. Your teen might have a terrible week in month two. They might call crying, wanting to come home. That doesn’t mean it’s not working—it often means the real work is starting.
Here’s how to show up for your child while they’re adjusting:
Engage fully in family therapy (even when it feels uncomfortable or confronting)
Write encouraging letters (not lectures)
Celebrate small wins
Stay grounded in your “why”
Normal adjustment challenges:
Things that warrant concern:
Trust your gut, but also remember: healing isn’t linear. Some of the hardest days lead to the biggest breakthroughs.
❤️ The Hard Truth:
This period isn’t just about your teen’s adjustment—it’s about yours too.
You’re also grieving: The loss of the family life you imagined. The end of daily parenting as you knew it. The reality that love alone wasn’t enough to fix this.
You’re also healing: Learning new tools. Challenging old patterns. Finding your footing as a parent again.
Some of the most powerful shifts I’ve seen happen when parents embrace their own growth work—through coaching, therapy, support groups, or honest reflection.
Because your family doesn’t just need your teen to heal. They need you to be whole, too.
By the end of three months, most families have a clearer sense of whether the placement is working. You’ll likely see:
This doesn’t mean everything is perfect. But it means the foundation for real change is being laid.
And that’s when the deeper work can truly begin.
Don’t navigate this complex decision alone. Get personalized guidance from someone who’s been there.
