Is this just normal teenage behavior… or is something more serious going on?
In this episode of Empower My Teen, I walk through one of the most common-and most stressful-questions parents face. When attitudes shift, boundaries are pushed, and connection starts to fade, it can be incredibly difficult to know what’s “normal” and what might require deeper attention.
Together, we explore key behaviors to look out for, including changes in attitude, isolation, shifting friendships, dishonesty, substance use, and loss of interest in things your teen once loved. But just as important, we look at something many parents overlook, how your child’s behavior is impacting your home, your relationships, and your own well-being.
This isn’t about labeling your teen. It’s about gaining clarity, trusting your instincts, and understanding when it might be time to seek additional support.
If you’re lying awake at night wondering what to do next, this episode will help you begin to sort through the confusion, and remind you that you don’t have to figure it out alone.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
00:03
Have you reached the end of your rope trying to help your child? Are you wondering how to help your teen find their way back to themselves and you don’t know what to do next? I’m your host, Mary Warren, and I’m here to share with you information, stories, and possible solutions to help you find the best options for your teen and family.
00:23
Are you ready to start thinking about parenting and relationships in a new way? If you are, take a breath, relax, and let’s talk. Thank you for joining me. I’m Mary Warren. Do you ever wonder, is my teen a normal teen?
00:43
Is the behaviors just normal teenage behaviors? Or are these behaviors I really need to be concerned about? Would they consider her or him at risk? How do I know? Well, I will say this. It’s different for all families.
01:00
Your child, my child, your neighbor’s child, we could all be having some different behaviors, and you may be thinking yours is normal teenage behaviors, and your neighbor may be thinking, my kid is at risk.
01:12
So, it’s hard to know, and it’s personal for everybody. Let’s talk about some behaviors and attitudes to consider and to think about when you’re trying to decide, do I need outside help? Do I need a therapeutic boarding school or wilderness program, whatever the heck they are?
01:30
I don’t know because I’m confused. So, we’re just going to dive right in and talk about some topics and some things to consider. None of this is an end-all. I am not your doctor to tell you, you know, what you should get treatment for and what you shouldn’t.
01:46
But this, in my practice, is some of the things that come up that we can consider at-risk team behavior possibly. Number one thing to consider and to look at is has your child’s attitude really changed?
02:01
All kids’ attitudes change as they grow. We know that. We did too. But the attitude being really defiant, combative, angry, sad. So, the attitude that is constantly unhealthy, going the wrong direction, let’s say, not fun.
02:23
So, take a look at their attitude over the course of time. And not just, you know, when they’ve lost their baseball game or when they got a D on their test, but just overall the course of time, has my child’s attitude really declined?
02:37
Something else to consider. My child’s starting to isolate. They’re not around family as much anymore. And again, a lot of kids do that for separation from their family. Kind of normal. But this is where it’s more than that, where they really isolate.
02:56
You cannot connect with them emotionally. Again, their attitude is against you. So, something to think about is how often are they isolating? Where are they isolating? Constantly in their room. What’s their room look like?
03:12
Is it dark? Is it a mess? Some of that’s normal for some teens, but if it’s not for yours, take a look at that. How about friends? Another thing to look at. Have they switched friends a lot? Going from what you consider healthy your friends to maybe not so healthy?
03:33
Maybe they’re starting to be influenced by this group of friends to do things that are not healthy, such as substance using or skipping school, where those kids before that they were hanging out with, they didn’t quite do that.
03:49
And again, you’re going to hear me say this a lot. Some of this is under the umbrella of normal, but take a look at what’s really happening with this group of friends. And are they fighting to see these friends?
04:03
Are they sneaking out to see these friends? Are they keeping them from you? Are they lying about them? Something to think about. Another topic to think about, total disregard for boundaries. Total disregard, pushback, on curfew, on any and all things that you want them to do or not do.
04:27
They’re pushing you and pushing you. Again, kids do this on a normal basis but look at the level of what your child may be doing. Is it just too much? Another topic to think about, they give up their joys.
04:43
They used to play baseball. They used to be in gym. They used to have a clarinet that loved music and has abandoned that. Not just to change, but full-on abandon it, where they no longer want to go. They don’t want to participate in those groups anymore.
05:03
And it’s okay sometimes to switch groups, right? It’s okay if we don’t want to be in sports anymore. But take a look at what does this all look like for your child? Unusually, just really pushing on not participating in those joys anymore.
05:22
Going back to isolating possibly or hanging out with friends that are not healthy. Another thing to look at is your child starting to use substances. Some kids will do it and they’ll try it. We all did.
05:35
Well, not all of us. I didn’t try everything. But, you know, some of us tried pot. Parents will say it. I used to do it all the time. I smoked weed and I survived. The culture is different right now.
05:47
That’s a different topic for a different podcast episode. The culture is different right now for smoking weed, for vaping, for using. There’s a lot more to it. But is your child really pushing to be able to use it?
06:03
Are they sneaking around to use? Are you finding things in their room that you don’t know what it is or it scares you? And when you approach your child, they either lie, not theirs, or push you on, how dare you go into my room and completely flip the subject.
06:24
Another thing to think about, is there a level of honesty on anything? And again, a lot of us lied when we were younger to get away with things, but at what level is your child? Are they lying about everything?
06:37
You can’t trust a word they say? There’s something to look at when you can’t trust what your child is saying on any level. Some kids will say the sky is green when you know it’s blue. Some kids will lie about things they don’t need to lie about, but they do anyway.
06:56
Another thing that could be at risk or something to think about, are they sexually promiscuous? A lot of kids have sex when they’re 16 or 14, but is this getting out of hand where they’re having sex a lot with people that they don’t know or people they barely know?
07:17
Something to think about is their sexual promiscuity. They may have very low self-worth, so they’re looking for it somewhere else. Another thing to think about, what are they doing with their device?
07:30
What are they doing with their phone? Do they have sexual pictures? Are they ordering drugs and sending it to the neighbor from their phone, from social media apps? Do they have secret apps on their phones?
07:48
What are they doing? Secretive. A lot of kids can be secretive because we want to keep things from our parents, but are they doing things that are risky? Here’s something else to think about. When we wonder about is this normal teenage behavior versus is my child at risk, how is it affecting you?
08:08
How is it affecting your family and your house? Are you up all night Googling, trying to plug in behaviors and diagnoses and how to help your child? Are you consulting friends and family because you’re so worried?
08:26
Do you feel like you’re a prisoner in your own home? Do you feel like your house is burning down all the time with all of the screaming and yelling, all of the cursing or chasing your child around? Is there a lot of banging of doors?
08:43
Have you ever had the police come to your house? Has the state been called? How do you feel? A lot of times we look at our children and we wonder if their behavior is normal teenage behavior or at risk and we forget to look at how is this affecting my home?
09:02
How is this affecting your home? How’s the siblings? A lot of families discount how it’s affecting their home. That’s part of it. That’s part of, is my child at risk? They’re causing a lot of chaos. And again, teenagers are supposed to be a little defiant and rebellious how they break away from us to be able to have their own attitudes and find their own voice and get their own ideas and their own thoughts about things.
09:35
But once it starts crossing a certain line in your home, emotionally, behaviorally, where you are really feeling it, that’s when you want to try and reach out and talk to somebody such as a therapist, such as a psychiatrist, counselor, somebody for your family.
09:56
And on that note, another thing that could be considered at risk or troubling behavior, whatever word you might want to put right there, is if your child refuses help, refuses to get help from a therapist or a school official, and especially refuses it from their family.
10:13
So, there’s a lot here to consider, and there’s a lot more, but in this episode, I wanted to keep it a little bit shorter. As we go forward, we will be talking about a lot of these topics individually.
10:26
So, these are just a few that I wanted to cover in this episode today, just to kind of give you an idea and something to think about. Thank you for joining me in this episode today. Remember, hang in there and keep breathing.
10:43
Thank you for listening today. I’m your host, Mary Warren, and I’m so grateful you found this podcast. I invite you to visit my website at empowermyteen.com and schedule a complimentary consultation to discuss your situation.
10:58
Remember, you are a caring and concerned parent, and your child is lucky to have you in their life. So please be kind to yourself.
