Do you know the five words that can instantly make your teen stop listening?
In this episode of Empower My Teen, I share a simple but powerful shift that can transform the way you connect with your child. It often happens without us even realizing it, your teen is opening up, sharing their story… and suddenly, the connection is gone.
Why? Because we unintentionally make it about us.
We dive into one of the most common communication habits parents fall into and how it impacts your child’s willingness to share. More importantly, I’ll show you a simple way to keep the conversation open, so your teen feels heard, understood, and supported.
This episode is about learning how to pause, listen with intention, and create space for your child’s experience, without rushing in to fix, compare, or redirect.
Because sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do… is simply be there.
Small shifts in how you listen can create big changes in your connection.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
00:03
Have you reached the end of your rope trying to help your child? Are you wondering how to help your teen find their way back to themselves and you don’t know what to do next? I’m your host, Mary Warren, and I’m here to share with you information, stories, and possible solutions to help you find the best options for your teen and family.
00:23
Are you ready to start thinking about parenting and relationships in a new way? If you are, take a breath, relax, and let’s talk. Thank you for joining me for another episode on Empower My Teen. I am Mary Warren.
00:41
In this episode, I’d like to talk about our child’s attention span. Do you know how to lose your child’s attention in five words? In this episode, I would like to talk about that. Kids have a hard time holding their attention.
00:55
I like to say that they have attention spam and add on crack. It doesn’t take long for them to wander off, wonder what you’re talking about, don’t care what you’re talking about or anybody’s talking about.
01:07
So how do we lose our child’s attention? In five words. Here are those five words. As they’re going through a story and they’re talking about their experience at school today or on the football field or volleyball practice and their disappointment or they’re scared.
01:26
And all of a sudden, as parents, we kind of can relate to them. And we say these five words. When I was your age. We’ve all done it. I know I have. We say, oh, when I was your age. And then you fill in the story, the blank.
01:49
And then all of a sudden, do you ever see your kids’ eyes just kind of roll a little bit, glaze over? Maybe they’re like Charlie Brown, been the story Charlie Brown. Won’t, won’t, won’t. They don’t care.
02:02
I want to say they honestly don’t care. They don’t care what we went through when we were 14 or 17 or 21. They want to tell you their story. They want to have open heart, listening ears. They’re not interested in what we went through when we were in volleyball or when our boyfriend broke up with us or when we got in trouble, when we’re flunking, any of those stories that they’re going through.
02:32
When you start with, oh, when I was your age, understand that you’ve just lost your child’s attention. They don’t care. And I don’t mean to be harsh because it isn’t meant to be harsh, but it is the truth.
02:46
They honestly don’t care. So, here’s how maybe you could look at it a different way. When they’re telling a story and you can relate and you want to jump up and down and go, I get it. I hear you. Pause.
03:02
Let them finish their stories. Let them come to a break in the story. And then start with a curiosity question. Start with this. Would you mind if I tell you what I went through at your age? Is this a good time for me to share a story with you?
03:18
Let them answer you. Yeah, that’d be great. Or they might say, no, I don’t care. There’s your answer. We want to hold space for their stories. Even though we want to protect them from pain, we want to help them not feel what we felt at that stage or when we went through what they went through.
03:41
We need to pause. That’s their journey. It’s what they need to go through. And a curiosity question of, would you mind? Is this a good time? Are you interested? Whatever works for you at that point and how you connect with your child, because we want to work on connection.
04:01
And we’ll talk more about these as we go through all these episodes, but connection is what we’re looking for. And when we interrupt with our own story, when we interrupt with what we went through, we’ve lost them.
04:17
We’ve lost their attention. And it starts to them feeling like it’s all about us or it’s all about, I remember when your Uncle Joe went through that. We take it away from them. We want to keep it in their lane.
04:33
Let them have the story. Let them have their space. Because again, in reality, they don’t care what we all went through. They don’t care. We want them to care. I know I wanted my kids to care because it mattered to me what I went through.
04:51
But remember, we’ve already gone through it. They’re in the middle of it. So, they haven’t come through yet. This is their journey, their experience. This is what’s going to create wisdom for them when they’re adults.
05:05
And we want to walk beside them. Hold space for them. Let them go through it. Let them feel the pain. Let them cry. Sometimes it’s okay to let them fall on their knees and skin them. Land on their tush.
05:20
We want to help them come through it, not push them through it. I know for myself and a lot of you out there want to help them not feel any pain at all. And that actually doesn’t help them. And we’ll talk more about that as well.
05:36
But that does not help them. What does help them is coming through the pain on the other side. They know that they can do it with you by their side. So hopefully that’s just a little bit helpful. And I always like to say little, tiny steps can make big progress.
05:58
It doesn’t have to be a big bomb. It’s little, teeny steps make big progress. So, when you’re feeling that, when I was your age, again, take a step back. Let them. Let them feel. Let them cry. Let them be scared.
06:15
Just let them be and be with them. I hope that was helpful for you. Feel free to reach out. I would love to connect with you and talk with you about how to pause and how to connect. Thank you for joining me on the Empower My Teen podcast.
06:34
I’m Mary, and I’ll see you on the next episode. Thank you for listening today. I’m your host, Mary Warren, and I’m so grateful you found this podcast. I invite you to visit my website at empowermyteen.com and schedule a complimentary consultation to discuss your situation.
06:55
Remember, you are a caring and concerned parent, and your child is lucky to have you in their life. So please be kind to yourself.
